alien

so to my surprise, yesterday, i was able to hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time. talk about some crazy shit.

i was not expecting to, seeing as it's about the size of a baby frog, but s. dug around, pushed around and found that little sucker right above my pubic bone. sounds like the tiny heart is going to break out of it's skin and come running down my leg. my belly has a heartbeat. freak!

i was bummed cuz j. wasn't there...he was ill & i thought it'd just be a quick visit. he wasn't too impressed when i told him, which was disappointing but i realize until you hear it for yourself it's kinda like, yeah, the little gremlin has a heartbeat. woopee.

but now, i don't feel as crazy. and i need as much of that as i can get! cuz when all you are is sick and starving and tired as hell with no other physical evidence of life inside you, life is pretty depressing. now i have a reason for my insanity.

what made my day was walking into a local baby boutique in a great neighborhood here, the east village, and telling the ladies there that i had just heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time and they just SCREAMED!!! it almost made me cry (of course, everything does) but their excitement for me and the owner's reassurance, 'once you hear the heartbeat, then you know so many concerns can now be eliminated'. gave me a deep joy. you are right, you wonderful, crazy lady!

so i was hanging out on cloud nine yesterday, for the most part. and what's interesting is i really do think i'm more beautiful now that i know this body's not just for lookin' at.

DELICIOUS