they call me mrs. richards

2009-08-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

it's decided. i'm in love

2009-08-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

with our new macbook pro. this is my very first design board attempt, and you know what? i think it's damn good for wingin' it. i've got a lot to learn but i am thrilled to have figured this much out on my own (along with a mini tutorial from b)

is it too late to choose what i want to be when i grow up?

i choose graphic designer.

this spread depicts mostly what i've been up to this summer.

makin' pickles

2009-08-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

for the first time ever, i used my cucs from the farm for something other than cucumber & onion salad. and MAN am i stoked about the results. i used a recipe out of Nourishing Traditions, where there are tons of recipes for fermented veggies.

so these are the real deal. no scortched brine with preservatives such as alum (that is what is in claussen to make them so crrrrunchy). although these beauties still have a healthy crunch to them. especially if you let them sit longer (easy to say, hard to do)

the jars are full of cucumbers, whey (what makes them a probiotic food) and dill, garlic, onion, mustard seed, jalapenos, salt and water. really, so easy! and a great substitute for those over-priced probiotic pills i used to take.

pictures from daddy's iphone

2009-08-05T18:15:00.000-07:00

my slow comeback

2009-07-27T12:11:00.000-07:00

ok, ok, i know i'm pathetic. because all i seem to have for you anymore are pictures of my babe. but what can i say? she's cute and she pretty much takes up all my damn time these days. (all you at home mommies know what i'm talking about)

i promise you though, now that my morning vomitting ritual is coming to a close i have found more time to venture out with the wee one and spend some time with other adults. like tonight i'm planning to hang around at mars cafe and watch my hubby play some music with his band. now if i could only find someone to go with me...

update

2009-07-17T06:17:00.001-07:00

here's nunu, almost 8 months, with her daddy. she's pretty awesome. she's filling out and starting to speak up. she growls like her mama did and studies people like her daddy does.

and by the way, she's going to be a big sister sometime in late february. i know, insane, right? that's what i said.

ungrateful

2009-07-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

i'm just gonna say it. i hate kid's birthday parties.

there, i said it. i felt bad saying it all these years, but it's true. why, do you ask? because only on a very rare occasion does it not make a monster out of a normally sweet kid.

maybe it just gets worse as they grow into individuals with expectations of what should happen on their birthday, but regardless, i don't like 'em.

tonight a little girl i'm close to had a birthday party. there was lots and lots of talk about it for weeks leading up to the event, so i can imagine she was very excited. she probably had grandiose ideas brewing in her little mind of all the people and all the gifts.

so when i said goodnight to her as she laid in her bed, still with her 'happy birthday' crown on, she asked me, 'what present did you bring?' with a smirk across her face, not giving me eye contact. i told her i did not bring a present but that my husband and i wanted to come and spend time with her on her special day. 'hmmph' she said.

i wanted to slap her.

fortunately her daddy overheard and put her in her place.

maybe every kid goes through this stage, and maybe i'm being too harsh. but i find it inexcusable. i don't remember my nephew acting like this. i sure as hell don't remember acting like this (mom & dad let me know if i'm wrong). it would have never ever been acceptable.

i dream of having present-less parties until my kids are old enough to appreciate and not expect, but i've heard this is nearly impossible. i guess we'll see.

peace in death

2009-07-08T19:01:00.000-07:00

this video on youtube is probably the only insightful interview i have watched since the death of michael jackson. i don't believe he was a pedophile. i don't believe he chose the insanity that was his childhood. he was a product of a selfish, greedy, abusive father. and also a corrupt industry.

it is sad to me the life that this man lead. sad because he was given so much talent and such a beautiful, rare gift and it was exploited. and then what makes it all that much worse is that so many of us point our fingers and call him a freak. shame on us, those that have done this. have you thought for one moment what you may be like if you had a painful, embarrassing disease that changed your skin color or if you had to suffer the constant pressure of being a child star? what about the abuse he suffered? shame on you if there is an ounce of judgement in your heart for the way he 'turned out'.

i am sad that he is gone. i am sad for his life because it doesn't seem like he had a tiny glimmer of peace the whole time. wherever his soul is now, i hope it's able to rest.

genius

2009-06-24T08:51:00.000-07:00

can you believe how ingenious these dolls are? a doll dressed up in a bear costume and..

an alterna-punk, angst-ridden, tatooed beauty. i want.

monday lovin'

2009-06-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

i'm loving this wood-top table. and it seems like it'd be fairly easy to make. i'd prefer it a bit more 'worn' but i'm sure kids and company could to this pretty quickly.

real life tragedy

2009-06-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

i found this story through design mom and i could not believe what i was reading.

click to enlarge

can you imagine? i feel a strong urge to donate to this family. as much as my caution towards hospitals and drugs is sometimes poo-pooed i think to myself after reading this, 'this is why i have my babies at home'. what a hospital calls an emergency a lot of times is no emergency at all. and there is a greater chance for infection after a major surgery than at any other time. is there a better place to get an infection than from a building that houses sick people? i'm not trying to freak you out, but beware and continue to ask those docs lots of questions.

new tunes

2009-06-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

this concert poster is one of the most interesting ones i've seen in a while. also animal collective has got me groovin' this morning.

getting ready

2009-06-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

i would love to make something like this for my babe. we've got a wedding this weekend & she's one of the flower girls.

got any pointers, b?

in the family

2009-06-09T14:39:00.001-07:00

more cool stuff i spotted on design*sponge. i love the mix of colors and textures in this living room.

my husband & i love the idea of a chalkboard on a wall of our kitchen. funny thing is, we may have a redhead to write on it too.

do over

2009-06-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

if i had my wedding to do over again, this is the bouquet that i'd have.

like my husband already knows, i will have myself a kick ass party when we're older & the kids {yes, we plan on having more} are less work. this is when i will have all that i could not afford for my big day. including this woman as our photographer.

another one for the dream book

2009-06-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

matthew bird

my nunu

2009-06-02T12:49:00.001-07:00

that's the goal, at least

2009-06-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

my husband's idea of a good joke. so far she is!

laugh out loud

2009-06-01T11:31:00.000-07:00

bots with stuff

espresso never looked so good

2009-06-01T10:57:00.000-07:00

this orange kitchen will make into my dream book. the book with all the ideas that i hope to use in our home someday.

this office space is so adorable and i am digging the combo of the green on white with the zebra print rug. makes me want to play!

barbara berrada

genetically modified

2009-05-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

i felt urged to post this information in case any of you have friends or relatives that are having a hard time getting pregnant. it's shocking to me how such a simple thing as food, if messed with by people (usually to produce more=more money) can have such a horrifying effect on our bodies. even right down to our dna.

Pregnant women and babies at great risk

Among the population, biologist David Schubert of the Salk Institute warns that “children are the most likely to be adversely effected by toxins and other dietary problems” related to GM foods. He says without adequate studies, the children become “the experimental animals.”

The experience of actual GM-fed experimental animals is scary. When GM soy was fed to female rats, most of their babies died within three weeks—compared to a 10% death rate among the control group fed natural soy. The GM-fed babies were also smaller, and later had problems getting pregnant.

When male rats were fed GM soy, their testicles actually changed color—from the normal pink to dark blue. Mice fed GM soy had altered young sperm. Even the embryos of GM fed parent mice had significant changes in their DNA. Mice fed GM corn in an Austrian government study had fewer babies, which were also smaller than normal.

By Jeffrey Smith, May 30 2009 NewsWithViews.com

someday

2009-05-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

this poster will hang in my craft room

mat daly

my own before & after

2009-05-29T06:40:00.000-07:00

i've finally got the chance to show you all my husband's and my little diy project that we finished barely before our baby came. i have always loved the idea of refinishing old furniture {talk about environmentally friendly!} and the fact that i did not have a place to put my baby's clothes made this a project whose due date was pressing. this is usually the way my husband and i get things accomplished.

my father helped out quite a bit with this one. he's an 'ol pro. he helped us with staining techniques and loaned out a big chunk of space in his shop for us to try our amature hands at something we both love to do-transform old to new.

i could not be more proud of the way it turned out. it took several coats of stain for the dark outline and one or two clear coats for the drawers. the handles were a sinch to replace. it is now my most favorite piece of furniture. and let me tell you, it was actually a very cheap project. we still have almost an entire can of $10 stain and clear coat left. the handles cost a total of $42 dollars. sandpaper my pop had, so i'm not sure what we saved there.

now we're itching to do our other dresser to match. maybe next fall!

etsyness

2009-05-28T07:03:00.000-07:00

jalmodovar

six months old

2009-05-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

no enemy

2009-05-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

thank you aunt chanthy.

the basics : making bone broth

2009-05-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

another easy and nourishing basic i make often, is bone broth. some may just call it chicken broth. you're going to get tons of absorbable calcium and other vital minerals by having this on hand and incorporating it wherever possible.

any chicken bones will do. they don't even have to be from a fancy free-range organic bird. what i do is cook the bird, de-bone it and throw the carcass into a dutch oven with:

several carrots {don't bother pealing}

1 whole head of garlic cut in half

1 or 2 onions cut in half {leave the skin on-more nutrients}

enough water to cover

bring to a boil, skim off the foam {impurities} and then turn down heat to bring it all to a simmer. simmer for at least four hours. at about the 4th hour i pull out several of the bones and either break them or cut them open so that the marrow can more easily be incorporated. this is where all those nourishing goodies are. have you ever tasted the marrow by itself? it tastes like chicken.

when the broth is done {you can simmer for up to 12 hours} let the concoction cool and then strain out the bones and veggies. i use a simple steel mesh strainer right over the mason jar i plan to store the broth in. make sure to label your jar and rotate your stock.

use this in place of water when cooking your soaked grains & beans {double whammy!} and of course in any soups.

e. likey

2009-05-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

me likey this blog i just discovered for several reasons.

1) because it just looks cool

2) it posts on all things design

3) it features 'before's and 'after's which make my heart flutter

what i love today

2009-05-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

emilie henry

built ny

along with these uber cool lunch bags, i found this gorgeous dish here yesterday during my 2-hour morning of freedom. my precious sister-in-law watched my babe while i gallivanted around to my favorite places in des moines.

after enjoying a coconut latte while reading the latest issue of martha stewart's living outside at zanzibar's, i ventured to the east village. this is my favorite place to window shop. and it is where i ran into this dish that i must have. are you reading, hubby?

ruffles & lace for b.

2009-05-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day!

the basics : soak your grains

2009-05-06T08:30:00.000-07:00

one of the easiest and most beneficial things you can do is soak the grains that you cook with. i love to do this because 1) it's so easy 2) it makes me feel good. it makes me feel good because i know that by soaking my grains for at least 12 hours before i cook them, i am releasing the phytic acid that makes grains so hard to digest. phytic acid is found in the bran of the grain. when phytic acid goes untreated it can combine with other vitamins and minerals in our gut and block their absorption.

it's nice to have some canning jars (i use 1/2 gallon wide mouth) so that there is plenty of room for the grain to expand. i use 2 cups grain, fill the jar with filtered water and 4 tbs raw apple cider vinegar. you want to use raw here because it contains the 'mother' which is the naturally occurring enzymes from the apples.

one note on picking out your grains: you don't always have to go 100% organic. i have found that Lundberg Farms sells 'eco-farmed' rice. this saves money but gets me pretty close to the unadulterated product.

once my grain has soaked, i usually rinse it with filtered water and plop it into my rice cooker. adding the recommended amount of water-to-rice 2:1. it is actually better if you cook it low & slow over the stove, which i do sometimes when i'm home all day. this allows the grain to slowly open up furthering the nutrient benefit of the grain. high heat will kill some of these nutrients.

insanity

2009-04-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

today, 3 days after my babe turned 5 months, i'm having crazy thoughts.

i get why some women have a lot of kids. it's because they either 1) suck at using birth control correctly 2) are addicted the the 'baby phase'

i am now starting to understand #2. my baby is starting to grow (albeit very slowly) and all i can think about are the times when she used to sleep all night on my chest and the first 'coo' and smile.

i'm kinda starting to panic inside because the hubby and i are talking about supplementing her feedings and soon starting solid foods. i fear this will mean less time at the boob. i cannot believe i just said that. if you would have told me 3 months ago 'sorry hon, it's best that she spends less time at the boob.' i would have made-out with you, whoever you are, boy or girl.

but of course now i love that time. she's full of giggles and expressive eyes and her kicking legs are so damn cute.

i think it's time to watch the birth video. it will help me get a grip on reality.

the basics : getting started

2009-04-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

i couldn't be more thrilled to share with you what it is i do to keep whole, nutrient-dense food in my house and on my family's plates. please know that i am nowhere near having this art perfected. i am also not able to buy all the kinds of food i would prefer to, considering our food budget.

this is why i want to share with you what it is i do, because no family has an endless supply of money or time or talent. so you need to capitalize on what you have the most of.

let's get started:

1. do not waste your hard-earned money on organic junk food. if you are going to eat chips and cookies, just buy the kinds you like. when you over-process organic ingredients they become carcinogenic anyway.

2. do not be afraid of fat. fat is your friend. of course that is, the right kind. it will actually keep your weight off, keep your heart healthy and your hormones balanced. it also helps to digest the proteins that you eat. always eat your meat with the fat. read more about that from this smart chic.

3. do as best you can to find the cleanest meat and eggs. especially if you eat a lot of them. these foods are so good for you, but when they are riddled with hormones and antibiotics they can cause a lot of problems. what's even better? grass-fed. this is because corn & grain-fed animals are actually diabetic animals, which in turn will affect your blood sugar levels. also, grass-fed products are more nutrient-dense.

4. do invest in organic whole foods. these are more nutrient-dense than conventionally grown foods. and the way they are grown is much nicer to the earth they're grown on.

5. find out if there is a co-op nearby that you can get in on. you will save dramatically on your food bill if you can buy in bulk the organic whole foods your family eats a lot of. ask around, these can sometimes be hard to find.

6. don't be afraid to try new things and to make your family try them. i read once that it takes trying something new 7 times before one takes a liking to it. keep trying.

7. always be looking for places to pack additional nutrients into the things you normally eat and drink. even squeezing lemon into your water will give you extra vitamins and a little boost in your metabolism. i always sneak soaked beans in my taco meat. they hardly know they're there!

8. try to get rid of any crappy non-stick pans you have hanging around. especially if you notice that they are leaving black flecks in your eggs. these puppies are very toxic, not only to the food that's cooking in the pan but they also release fumes into the air.

9. soy is not a health food. i don't care what all your granola, hippy-dippy friends think. soy milk, cheese, hot dogs and tofu are over-processed soybeans. this means all the heating and extracting rids the soybeans of their existing nutrients. soy in it's natural state contains high levels of phytoestrogens which most of us don't need anymore of.

10. take it slow. of the suggestions that i listed here and the food preparation ideas i will let you in on, take one at a time. try it a couple, maybe even half a dozen times before you move onto the next technique. get good and confident. it will help you tackle the next hurdle even better.

more coming soon!

walk with your kids

2009-04-24T15:13:00.000-07:00

i have discovered by mistake that the best way to get kids to talk is to take a walk with them.

i just had the delight of walking with my babe in tow and my nephew at my side. this guy. as you already know he's one of my favorite people in the world. there are some days though, that i feel time slipping away and i think to myself, 'i don't even know e anymore'.

so today he joined me on one of my few ventures out since motherhood. and we chatted it up. what i like about walking is ones mind can wander, discussing unrelated subject after another and no one thinks twice about it.

he and i talked about sports, soccer is his favorite. we talked about trees (weeping maples) and about gardening. we're going to try to grow some tomatoes and peppers this summer together. we talked about recycling (his grandmother-NOT MY MOM-doesn't do it and that makes both e and i upset). we talked about junking. this was brought on by the fact that we walked by an entire garbage bin that someone had stuffed full of what e thought was 'perfectly nice' carpet. he and i and j are going to make something out of junk this summer. when i asked him if he wanted to do this with us, he shouted, 'YEAH!' (history: e has a hard time throwing things away. i am going to attempt to harness this energy by helping him learn how to make useful items out of the things he desires to recycle).

we rounded the corner back to our house and he spotted a tree across from our driveway. he asked if he could climb it. first thought was, 'no, we don't know if those people would like it' and then i thought, 'who freakin' cares, if someone has a problem with a kid climbing a tree they're the one with the issue'.

he climbed and tweeted like a bird while my babe squealed, reclined in her stroller, kicking her legs and watching the pine trees blow above her.

the basics : intro

2009-04-23T11:18:00.000-07:00

i think that those who know me well could say that i lend myself to a bit of anxiety. i don't like it, i try to keep it reigned in but i tend to be a touch impatient and there is something in me that says, 'you're don't have much time, you need to accomplish/have this now!'

and so right now in my life this tendency of mine is all focused on wanting, even sometimes thinking i NEED a home. a home of jeremy's and mine to do with what i please. a home for me to start a small garden, to raise some chickens, to decorate, to have people over.

but i know that now is not the time for all of that. i've come to terms with that after several crying sessions in the shower or over the sink while doing dishes.

i think the Holy Spirit is so great 'cuz He always helps me to find something to look forward to, something besides all that i don't have, to focus on.

for me right now it's food. not just eating it (you know how much i like that) or even just cooking it. but most importantly how to prepare it to get the most nutrients out of the most basic ingredients i can find.

so this has inspired me to post, over several entries, very basic but very important homemade strategies for cooking more cost-effective meals while dramatically improving their nutritional density. if you desire to take some of these ideas & apply them, you will have to get your hands dirty and actually cook something (avoiding the microwave as much as possible). but no worries, it's much easier than you think.

here's to going back to the basics, saving some money and learning a few things that you can get really good at in order to feed your family well on a regular basis.

2009-04-18T19:33:00.000-07:00

this is what i get to wake up to every morning. i'm starting to think that all the sleep deprivation is worth it.

eggs anytime

2009-04-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

my new favorite thing to make is frittata. what is funny about this is that i have always been very intimidated by it. until one day i saw ina garten (the barefoot contessa) make one and i thought...HOLY HELL that is so easy. i made one that same day.

this is my 'everything in the fridge that needed to be eaten or would go bad soon' frittata.

frittata basics:

a dozen eggs

any meat you like

any veggie you like

1 cup cream (i used fresh goat milk)

herbs of your choice

salt & pepper

-beat the eggs and cream together, set aside

-saute any veggies that need it, like onions and garlic

-cook any uncooked meat by just adding it to the veggies

-pour in the egg mixture

-season

-pop in the oven at 450 and let it bake anywhere from 10-50 minutes. i know this sounds crazy, but the more ingredients you put in and the hotter your pan is from cooking the ingredients, the less time it will need in the oven.

grandpa the great

2009-04-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

my grandpa died last week. my dad's dad. it happened fairly quickly and it seemed he wasn't in a whole lot of pain. death is weird, still, for me. i realized during this time that he was the first relative of mine that i was actually close to, who has passed in my life.

he had a hemorage the size of an orange in his brain that eventually took over his body. i am so thankful that his will was clear, and that we were able to respect his wishes of non-intervention. my grandpa was 78. we were actually able to celebrate his birthday on april 1st (YES, an april fool's baby-quite fitting) and he passed on the 2nd. even though my grandpa had lived a full life, i was horribly sad at his funeral and at times even mad that he was leaving us when my baby was still so young-had only met him once.

and it wasn't until at his funeral that i realized my gramps was really gone. i had seen him in the hospital and in hospice and i knew full-well that it was only a matter of days until he would be gone. but when you see someone whose body and face are distorted by dying, you see the side of that person that is the death, not the life.

this picture is of my gramps, richard lage and my man erich lage (not technically MY man, my sister's man, but he's my favorite little man). they are sporting their bomber jackets. my grandpa's is the real deal-he was an air force guy. and erich's is a replica, a gift from grandpa the great. don't they look handsome?

good morning

2009-03-19T06:01:00.000-07:00

2009-03-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

what a gorgeous st. patrick's day this year!! i've got the windows open and the sunshine pouring in.

like i mentioned in my last post, i have been up to something sweet for st. patty's day this year. spicy gingerbread cookies. i have to say, they are the most delicious cookies i've ever made. a bit too much work for just everyday, but what a spicy, savory way to welcome spring in.

2009-03-17T12:03:00.000-07:00

i found these adorable chinese to-go containers at nobbies. the perfect box for deliverying my spring-time presents. cheap, too!

mini shamrocks was my final choice for cookie shape. i think they are so cute.

i hope your saint patrick's day is full of fun and all things green!

looky there!

2009-03-16T10:47:00.000-07:00

my new banner above is courtesy of my extremely talented friend, b. i've spoken of her before. i love and miss her very much. she was the lady who designed my gorgeous wedding invitations. she and i were buds in high school and the only time i ever got caught by the cops (for drinking underage of course) was when i was with b.

she whipped up my banner in like, um, minutes and replaced my old tired banner almost as quickly. she makes me look good.

martha, martha, martha

2009-03-15T14:32:00.000-07:00

do not ever make cookies with a martha stewart recipe. maybe it's me and i'm a little whiner when it comes to baking, but sheesh. i'm making a st. patrick's day treat (pics later) and i have never worked so hard. thanks to my husband and his forearm strength, my friends and family will be able to enjoy the tasty treats i'm making. otherwise it would have ended up just being me and my housemates knawing on some chilled dough.

anyway, back to martha. i still need to see that show where her daughter rips on her. i have such a love hate relationship with that woman. mostly i hate her because she's really not THAT creative and she obviously totally neglected her children for the pursuit of success and spotless perfection. but i also love her because she inspires me to want to do things i hate and am no good at. like baking. we all need to be stretched sometimes.

i don't remember what was funny

2009-03-14T20:53:00.000-07:00

this picture was taken of me a couple weeks ago. for some reason i really like it. not because it's perfect or that i even look my best. i think it's the dreamy blue lighting and the truly happy expression that i have on my face.

i want a goat in my backyard

2009-03-13T11:36:00.000-07:00

i have become even more aware of the properties of foods ever since i had my little one. i am breastfeeding her and while this is great in so many ways, it means i have to be aware of what i put in my mouth. she eats what i eat. and we have discovered that she's a gassy, spittin-up fool if i am not careful. she does not like lindt dark chocolate with intense mint. MAN! and she will not allow me to eat cheese. or yogurt. these are all cows milk products, obviously.

BUT i have discovered, to my delight that i can drink goats milk. i get it fresh from a friend here in town and it is absolutely, beyond the shadow of a doubt the most yummy thing i have put in my mouth since i had her.

jeremy & i made shakes lastnight. recipe below:

**
25 ounces fresh goat milk
2 frozen banans
1/2 c peanut butter
4 tbsp cocoa powder, dutch process
1 big dollup of honey
3 tsp flax oil
1 good hearty blending

**

flax oil makes everything taste better. why? cuz it's oil! and plant oil or animal fat inhances the flavor of everything. it gives it that thick consistancy of a milk shake without the impossibly large fat globules that come from a cow.

btw->if any of you out there are still convinced that low-fat is healthy, please read this. let me know if you have any questions. it's kinda thick. no pun intended.

game for 2

2009-03-12T08:07:00.000-07:00

i found this great wedding present at target. on the clearance rack, of course. i only paid $7.50 for this $30 'spin me' game. it is the game of mischief.

****

i like this game (so much that i almost kept it for me and the hubby) because it looks great-and it helps married people spice it up a bit. not that newlyweds really need that. but they'll definately bring it out from under the bed (if they know what's good for them) at about the year mark.

****

the box reads: 'Jimmyjane is a design-centric brand founded on the belief that life is better with a sexy twist. (AMEN!) We design products and experiences to provide pleasure, strenthen connection, and create provocative possibility.'

golden

2009-03-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

for erich's birthday this year, he turned 8 on the 8th, we thought it'd be a great idea to make t-shirts. the screen below (made by my very crafty hubby) is an exact replica of a drawing erich made a couple years ago. erich just draws stuff. he just sees something and draws it. and this rendition of a guitar may be my favorite.

here he is inking the screen for the first time

other than hanging out in the garage watching our shirts be made, we enjoyed pizza, brownies and ice cream and another one of erich's favorites...road runner!

this was a mistake. pretty cool, huh?

the birthday boy in all his glory.

spoiled

2009-03-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

i (ok, nuria) received these delectable gifts from fawn & forest in the mail last week. our friend b sent them. one thing i know is that b will always send something that is not only stylish and tasteful but also something useful. this is because she is an iowa native relocated to the west coast. the best of both worlds.

the wooden teether, the teething bon bon, the cloth ball and this adorable elephant illustration are just waiting quietly in the corner for the day that they will be used or displayed. thanks b!

storytime

2009-03-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

this is my mom reading 'on the night you were born' to nuria. have you ever read this book? i turned into a blubbering idiot the first time i read it. the only time i read it, in fact, because i'm sure that it will make me cry everytime. i never used to understand why people liked books like these. that was before i had a baby come out of me. now they're about the only thing that come close to expressing the emotion that's all welled-up inside behind the crazy fits of rage and chocolate chip binges.

showered in style

2009-03-05T13:27:00.000-08:00

my good friend tammy brice hosted the most wonderful 'couples' shower i've ever been to. she's the party diva. this dresser was decorated with an assortment of vases full of brightly-colored kids toys and one big beautiful picture of the guest of honor. my baby, nuria estelle.

instead of a paper banner, she made a baby clothes banner. and i got to take them all home!

her buffet was made of doughnuts and other delectables. the table was decorated with more primary colored toys...this was my favorite. the big vase full of trucks and legos and little plastic people.

the diaper cake was the coolest (and most incognito) i've ever seen. got to take that home too. thanks tammy!!

and last but not least, the 'guess what candybar i ate' poop game. this is my sister adriel trying real hard to figure out diaper #5. it was milky way.

farts while she's sleeping

2009-03-05T13:20:00.000-08:00

nuria is 3 months old now. she's the coolest thing in my life. i see now why people have 17 of these things.

she's pretty much totally infatuated with her dad. i say it's because for her, it's like lookin in a mirror. who doesn't smile at their reflection?

it has begun

2009-02-05T10:12:00.000-08:00

so the little girl (now almost 10 weeks old) has started throwing fits. these aren't like 'i'm hungry, i haven't eaten in three hours' fits (although those are in abundance) these are the ones where she's perfectly happy as hell and then i set her down on the bed so i can get dressed-sue me- and watch out, sister christian, if she had fightin' words, we'd hear 'em.

she's laughing and smiling and holding her head up. nothing too remarkable yet. but i think i'm starting to fall in love. yes, yes, it didn't happen right away for me. i mean she was amazing and all that, but for the first month they are just so high needs and have virtually no personality so it's refreshing to feel as though she's responding to me. she's a spittin' image of her daddy, minus the big 'ol lips (she has dainty lips like her mommy) and she hates tummy time.

she might have red hair...we'll see...

here i am-33 weeks

2008-10-08T08:03:00.000-07:00

cast your vote

2008-09-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

http://www.rockettransfermusic.com/
go there & listen to my hubby's music and let me know what you think.

amelia 10 months

2008-09-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

2008-09-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

almost time for number 3

2008-09-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

growing boys

2008-09-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

Do you remember Jack from several months ago? Well here he is again...with his cousins above in the red. These were shot at the Art Center.

turn off your television

2008-09-15T19:03:00.001-07:00

i'm just writing to say hello. i'm now almost 30 weeks pregnant and finally showing so i'll get some pics up for you soon.

just so you know: that commercial about how high fructose corn syrup is 'ok in moderation' cuz it's 'made from corn' is a load of shit. don't believe that condescending mother for a second. the stuff is toxic and made specifically for money-hungry food producers that can't respect their clients enough to put even regular corn syrup in their products. the stuff is a molecular sugar bomb and it causes inflammation of the entire intestinal tract. not to mention it's HIGHLY addictive. it actually tells the brain to shut off it's natural 'i'm full' signal. is it any wonder one can eat a 35 oreos in a sitting? it's a sugar molecule that has been made in the lab to be many times sweeter than the regular sugar molecule so cheap wads don't have to use as much of it in their crap products. i hate t.v.

so i'm officially a stay-at-home-mom and i love it. i've been cooking like crazy, napping (cuz this child is sucking my will to live) and trying to exercise. i've gotten to take pics of several friend's kids and this week is my sister. i will post those pics also.

that's it for today & i promise i'll get those pics up before the week's over.

peace

the princess

2008-06-10T06:25:00.000-07:00

natalie (my neice) turned 3 last week. this is her devouring the frosting off of one of her princess decals. um...can we say she's her mother's daughter?!
blowing out her candles.
taunting papa.
displaying her new books for everyone to see. frog & toad! i just had to get it.

the amazing disappearing waist

2008-06-03T06:23:00.000-07:00

no more sickness. walking/jogging 3 miles a day. eating more vegetables. drinking more water. and STILL my waist is nowhere to be found. this must be what they talk about when they say no matter what you do when you're pregnant you just feel fat.

what i cannot imagine is if i did not get off my butt (which is very tempting). i would definatly be a balloon or 'bawoon' (as nora-above) would say.

amelia with her nonny marilyn

stop fakin' it

2008-05-16T06:20:00.000-07:00

so week 12 has brought wonderous changes. no vomiting this morning. a managable appetite. and a fervor for life.

oh yeah, and a phase of self-discovery that i'm looking forward to diving into. i've been in this place before, but visiting it again i am refreshed with a new sense of confidence.

i'm done with friends who cannot get real.

don't get me wrong, i do believe people have a lot to teach me. sometimes i think i'm even too open to that. it's probably because i've seen quite a bit in my life & i know better than to think that i do have it all figured out. i will never stand in that place where i can confidently say i have nothing left to learn.

and what gets me is how many spiritual people, or those that call themselves so, are in fact not at all. has anyone ever heard of 'work out your salvation with fear & trembling.' to ME this invokes a constant sense of humility. a never ending awe of the one who created us and loved us. i DO think the Lord wants to keep me on my toes.

and this part of me i have forgotten. it was brought to life by these people. and the ministry we were a part of. and never before (and ever since) have i felt more connected to the Spirit i call God. i want to go back to that. to that humility and to that teachability & that awe. some may see it as childish but what were we asked to do? have faith like a child? i think i remember hearing something about that.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE FIGURED IT ALL OUT. STOP FAKING IT. WE ARE ALL ON THIS JOURNEY TOGETHER. GOD IS THE ONLY CONSISTENT THING. BAG YOUR RELIGION & ALL YOUR RIGHT ANSWERS AND IMPRESS ME WITH THE ANSWER, 'I DON'T KNOW'.

my good friend b reminded me that i need to stay true to this honest part of me. i doubt this a lot. i feel like people don't want to hear it. but of course those in my life who are honest are the most refreshing people to me.

ANYHOO what i'm loving today?
sippy cups that are not ugly as sin.

wideload

2008-05-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

i think i'm finally starting to show. this realization came after a not so delightful encounter with the gardener at my day job.

she says, 'so erica, you starting to show?'
and i'm like, 'nah, not really'
and she's all, 'oh, so that pooch is just from eating too much food? HAHAHHHAAAHHAHAAA!!'

i about cut her head off. i'm sorry but NO ONE at ANYTIME should talk about a pregnant woman's body unless she starts the conversation. or unless you tell her she is radiant. this is another item that needs to be added to the 'annoying things stupid people do' list from earlier.

so anyway, talked to the sis & the hubby about it and i did some examining in the mirror, tried to suck in & it only went so far....so yeah ok, i'm finally showing. a teeny bit. which is fine by me cuz i'd rather show where i'm supposed to then just be fat all over (which is mostly how i feel). we're going to start taking pics so stay tuned.

so with the arrival of my tiny pooch and the fact that i'm not knock-down, drag-out ill anymore, i decided i've gotta make a fitness goal for myself. eating pizza and chili dogs will only be forgiving to my figure so long. also, i haven't really moved consistantly since week 7 and now i'm WEEK 11 and i'm starting to get wide.

new goal: 3 miles a day. brisk walking, stretching and then abdominal work on the back till 20 weeks and upright after that.

it's kinda nice to have a health goal that doesn't involve fitting into an old pair of jeans. it's purely for health reasons. ok, and then maybe, in hopes to fit into my old pair of jeans SOMEDAY after the baby is here. i am a woman!

oh! and we finally sold our car. HALLE-FREAKIN-LUJAH!!! not only will we get money back from paying it off but pocket aroung $350 month! booyah!

*what i'm buying with all of my moolah*

2008-05-06T06:55:00.000-07:00

i had the pleasure of snapping some photos for a friend of mine, this weekend. her 5 week old, jack, was surprisingly cooperative.

alien

2008-05-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

so to my surprise, yesterday, i was able to hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time. talk about some crazy shit.

i was not expecting to, seeing as it's about the size of a baby frog, but s. dug around, pushed around and found that little sucker right above my pubic bone. sounds like the tiny heart is going to break out of it's skin and come running down my leg. my belly has a heartbeat. freak!

i was bummed cuz j. wasn't there...he was ill & i thought it'd just be a quick visit. he wasn't too impressed when i told him, which was disappointing but i realize until you hear it for yourself it's kinda like, yeah, the little gremlin has a heartbeat. woopee.

but now, i don't feel as crazy. and i need as much of that as i can get! cuz when all you are is sick and starving and tired as hell with no other physical evidence of life inside you, life is pretty depressing. now i have a reason for my insanity.

what made my day was walking into a local baby boutique in a great neighborhood here, the east village, and telling the ladies there that i had just heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time and they just SCREAMED!!! it almost made me cry (of course, everything does) but their excitement for me and the owner's reassurance, 'once you hear the heartbeat, then you know so many concerns can now be eliminated'. gave me a deep joy. you are right, you wonderful, crazy lady!

so i was hanging out on cloud nine yesterday, for the most part. and what's interesting is i really do think i'm more beautiful now that i know this body's not just for lookin' at.

DELICIOUS

exhausted

2008-05-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

This is what's going on below my wasteline:

Placenta supplying oxygen & nourishment to fetus through umbilical cord; 100,000 new nerve cells created per minute.

100,000! No wonder all I wanna do is sleep. I slept for 3ish hours after work lastnight, woke-up & ate a cow and then went to bed at 11 and didn't bat an eye until 7am. And I could snuggle up and find myself asleep again, no problem.

That & walking are the 2 things that sound doable right now. Neither one do I get to enjoy.

~what's getting me through~

it's may time! (not wanting to die this week)

2008-05-01T06:07:00.000-07:00

so i'm gaining control of my life (finally). 'how?' you may ask? with a gigantic calendar posted to my refrigerator. if it doesn't make it to the calendar i feel no obligation to make it work. and i'm thinking i might even say it needs to be there a week in advance.

i'm discovering how much hard work it can be sometimes juggling 2 families schedules-who both live in the same city. my side of the family is a bit smaller than j.'s and definitely more laid-back. so this presents a bit of a problem. if i'm not careful i will schedule my entire month of weekends and free nights with his side of the family (parents over for dinner, lunches on sunday, etc) and find myself going a couple months without having any time to bond with the lages.

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

why? because my family rocks the casbah. they are hilarious and honest and compassionate and great listeners. ALL of them are great listeners! how does a girl get so lucky? my dad once said, back when i was in junior high, 'you know why i love my family? We can laugh.'

and i'm tired of neglecting my relationships with them. the problem lies in our laid-back mentality. we are horrible plan-makers. adriel is probably the best one of the bunch and she's just bitchy enough to hold us accountable. we need that.

on a side note, i'm feeling much better these days. throwing up first thing is the best thing i ever decided to do. i need to start eating better and get my ass to the gym. one thing at a time. 10 weeks tomorrow!

*INSPIRATION*

ranting (cont.)

2008-04-28T07:27:00.001-07:00

so am i (and my family) the only people on the damn planet who know how to communicate in a mature fashion? OMG (shout out to b.) why the hell do i have to CONSTANTLY remind people how to not be either

1. babies
2. selfish
3. passive-aggressive
4. annoying
5. bossy

so there are a few people in my life who pretty much on a consistant basis i'd like to surprise with a slap on the back of the head. one person comes to mind right now as someone i fell like i have to constantly take a step back, help her to see the OTHER person's side and for just ONCE ask, hey, how does this work for YOU!? this person is a sweet girl...she just moved into a new apartment and she wanted me & j. to come see it.

first of all, it's on the complete other side of town, she JUST moved in so all there is to see are BOXES in a white-wall apartment and the truth is j. and i are f*ing desperate for time these days. time not driving, time not commited to his family, time where we are not at work.

BUT DOES ANYONE ASK US, HEY GUYS! I KNOW YOU'RE SUPER BUSY THESE DAYS AND YOU'D PROBABLY LIKE TO JUST CHILL, BUT I'D LIKE YOU TO COME SEE MY PLACE, WHEN IS A GOOD TIME FOR YOU!?!?

but instead it's, 'why don't you come over now', 'why don't you come over now', 'what else do you have to do?'

oh, and by the way, usually when people want you to see their place, they throw a party or at least fix you dinner. a drink or something! at least that's what I think when i move into a new place but maybe i got dropped on my head too many times when i was an infant.

oh, and this i love, from another friend who is totally mom to everyone and bossy as hell sometimes, ms. 'there is a right way to do everything' just loved to remind me that 'she just wants you to see the place'. no f*ing shit.

yeah, i just want everyone to leave me the hell alone and ask me FOR ONCE what i am doing and what is a priority to me. i have never in my life assumed that anyone was just SOOOO eager to sacrifice their time & their priorities for mine. it's called asking & remembering that the world doesn't revolve around YOU. fortunately j. is on my side & will stick up for me.

and it's not just the apartment thing. it's always something. literally our calendar finds itself FULL a month at a time. grrrr.

please tell me i'm not the only one who has to deal with this. i'm so damn drained by having to 'de-code' and remind grown adults how to communicate. but honestly, they better watch the hell out cuz whatever pregnancy does to you to make you crazy & opinionated and unable to deal with bullshit i have received a double-dose.

people annoy the hell out of me

2008-04-25T07:20:00.000-07:00

1. when i tell you how far along i am don't say, 'OOOHH sheesh, you've only just gotten started.' Or, 'OOOH girl, you've got a long way to go.'

2. when i tell you that i've got the sickness and i'm hoping it'll be done by 12ish weeks do not say, 'oooh girrrl, mine lasted 20'. i am not you. you are not me and i throw me a frickin' bone i need something to look forward to.

3. do not tell me what to eat. i know at each second what my body wants to eat. sometimes i have to drive 20 minutes out of my way (or my husband does) to get it, but trust me, YOU do not know better than i.

4. when i tell you that i plan on not getting gigantic with this pregnancy, do not say, 'oh just give it all to the baby, you can lose it when you're done.' there is no way in hell i'm going to get to be the size of a bus and then have any hopes of losing it all before we have a second one. where do people get their information anyway? why the hell do you want to become a fatty for any reason? have you seen those women who gain 40lbs with each baby and maybe lose 20 and then get pregnant again? it's called gestational diabetes and it increases your chances for complications and THEN cesearean sections...no thanks dudes.

ok i think i'm done for now. chew on that for a while & spread the word.

ps-this is my inspiration for today

making a baby & stuff

2008-04-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

had the 1st visit with the midwife on monday. it was great. she's such a delight and she's super low-key which is exactly what i need.

i am the type that if i could move to sweden, be seen by a midwife only a handful of times, maybe get my blood drawn if they saw anything suspicious in my urine, maybe get a pelvic exam if they saw any warning signs, be left alone till i had my baby at home, i would be in heaven. ACOG has really made it hard for this to be, here in the US because they are so medicalized and so 'cautious' that everything requires testing. blaahh.

so yeah, j. was with me & he was great (of course!) and agreed with s. (the midwife) that i was perfect when she checked my blood pressure and it was 170/20 (?) i think that's right.

now onto designing clothes for me and cool (non-pastel) things for baby. j. and i are going to work on a baby quilt. not a hokey plaid & sunflower quilt but a nice one with no baby blue or pink but colors that i would actually be able to tolerate if there were not an adorable child wrapped in it. what would your ideal baby quilt colors be?

update

2008-04-17T08:33:00.001-07:00

so week 8 starts tomorrow. i'm debating whether i should just force myself to vomit every morning and get the gagginess out of my way...so i can function like a normal person. i have to literally stuff my face from about 5am to 12noon in order not to spend the whole morning camping out in front of the toilet.

despite that, things are going well. i have my first OB visit with my midwife on Monday and I'm looking forward to it. my husband is a gem and he's proven himself 100 times over for being THE MOST thoughtful, kind and patient man ever. he gets me toast at 6:30am, does all the laundry & dishes and rubs my feet without me asking!!

make 'em work for it

2008-04-03T06:31:00.000-07:00

pray gun ant, pray gun ant. say it fast out loud.

this is the announcement t-shirt my husband made. he free-handed it 40 minutes before we had to be to my parent's to show it off. yes it's true, he's sick with talent.

mom & sisters screamed. dad just shook his head.

pregnancy makes me a weirdo

2008-04-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

and so it's begun. the sickness. thankfully i've got a few remedies up my sleeve from working for a midwife. first and foremost-osci. it's my most near & dear homeopathic treatment. put it under the tongue 2-3 times in a row and BAM! you're back to your normal self. and it's kinda sweet too!

another discovery...while i was in the shower this morning i caught a big whiff of my lemon verbena shower gel and INSTANTLY felt better. it made me want to eat it!! so i lathered up and stood there smelling the bottle like a druggie hooked on glue. later, come to find out, in the world of aromatherapy, lemon actually helps with morning sickness. HALLELUJAH! we're almost out...wonder where i can get the economy size?

oh YES and SOUP! i liked soup before but oh my hell soup is like sweet nectar now. salty and hot and full of yummy meat & veggies and sometimes rice or noodles. it literally makes me giggle.

4 in 5

2008-03-31T06:24:00.000-07:00

j. & i had the girls over on saturday. mom & dad went out to breakfast while they hung out with us. they watched spongebob and played with play-doh. emma (the striking red-head) is now 5. katherine (the blonde with stylish glasses) is now 3. nora (the one with huge eyes) is 2 and amelia (the only one with blue eyes) is almost 5 months. these girls are a sweet reminder of just how totally cool little people are.

4 tests say yes

2008-03-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

wednesday morning j. & i woke up at 4:30am (because i had to pee and of course could not sleep) and took these four tests. the embarrassing part was we had a problem interpreting them. i had lost the insert to the 'early response' tests-not easy unless you have directions...and the other quickvue i got from work and had never seen a positive one. soo...i was pretty convinced we were 'with child' but j. wanted to be 100% sure. so i took them to work and asked my friend, the nurse and immediately she broke out in laughter and then almost cried with joy. it was official. we had passed the test. 4 times. i called to let j. know and he soon managed to tell his entire office.

day 34, nothing...

2008-03-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

i am thinking this could be an issue of stress. i've been more stressed-out this last month than i was planning my wedding. j & i are going to do the test on friday if i still have no news for you.

i'm just gonna put it out there

2008-03-24T10:34:00.001-07:00

i know i'm totally showing 'first-timer' signs here, but just to let you all know, it's day 32 and aunt flow has still not come to visit.

stay tuned for updates

a labor to envy

2008-03-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

another interesting day at the clinic.

a woman who was due next wednesday called my boss this morning around 7 telling of a broken bag of waters and pretty consistant contractions.

when i got to work, it was about 8:30, her husband called this time (that's when you know it's serious), letting me know they were heading over to the birth center.

they showed-up about a half hour later and strolled in, stopping once for a contraction. for the most part mom was relaxed and talkative. both c. (the midwife) and i chuckled as we agreed this wasn't serious labor if mom is still chatting & light-hearted.

they hung-out in the consult room for a while, then mom decided to go to the restroom. both c. and i started to notice a moaning coming from behind the solid oak door. she knocked on the door checking, 'is everything alright in there?' they told her to come in.

as she opened the door we both noticed mom squatting on the floor. c. said immediately, 'i think we can go upstairs now'.

i started helping out (no nurse yet) with getting drinks for mom and getting chart ready. then mom decided she wanted pictures taken and asked me to go get her camera. i was then officially their birth photographer.

keep in mind mom showed up at 9:15 and now it's about 9:45. she was in active pushing stage while wading in the warm tub of water.

once i started taking pictures i noticed a 'low battery' sign blinking in the corner. mom had more batteries in her bag. what is so interesting about birth is that you never know if the NEXT push will produce life, so you make sure you accomplish the necessities in the short minutes between contractions. i had a couple minutes to change the batteries....i was going as fast as i could.

mom at some point appologized for going 'so slow' with her labor...we all laughed. carey reassured her that the babies lungs need to be worked through the birth canal slowly to press out all the fluid from swimming for 9 months...also, babies that come too fast have bruised noses. she was taking her time, and it was good.

one beautiful thing about mom was that she almost sang through her contractions. humming a melody that fit her emotions with each push.

finally, head crowing, mom looking in the mirror, she became very excited. same with dad. one more good push and out comes the head. frenzy and crying and shouting, 'it's a girl.' made all of us cheer.

mom had more bleeding than i had seen at any birth. fortunatly the nurse and c. handled it flawlessly with pitocin and methergine. the uterus responded.

an hour of serious pushing, i'm sure all moms out there are jealous. this woman handled her pain with strength and beauty. not once complaining of it.

another beautiful girl has entered the world and i had the privledge of witnessing it. days like these make all other struggles seem small.

2008-03-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

'Formula feeding is the longeset lasting uncontrolled experiment lacking informed consent in the history of medicine'

Frank Oski, MD

past editor, Journal of Pediatrics

quote of the day

2008-02-29T15:51:00.000-08:00

'there's a fine line between kitsch and crap'

baby fever

2008-02-28T13:33:00.000-08:00

did you know that in 1983 only 5 vaccinations were required by law, and now there are over 35? also, did you know that autism rates in 1983 were 1/10,000 and now they are 1/150?
-USA TODAY

more on this later.

so it's been 2 months since j and i have not used any protection.

i am serious when i say that i had an emotional episode when i did not get pregnant the first month. there were a couple days when i thought there had to be something wrong with me.

this, of course, comes after many years of my calmly stating to any female i came across who was having doubts of their fertility, 'oh, don't you worry, God will give you a baby in the perfect time.'

now i see how totally clueless i was.

yeah, i KNOW God's gonna give me a baby whenever he feels like it, if He feels like it at all (that's a whole other story) but that does not HELP me in this moment, thank you very much. *take a deep breath*

so yes, it's only been 2 months since the j man and i have been really open to the possibility and so we are definitely nowhere near calling the elders to pray or anything.

i'm loving everything that is baby. also trying to help motivate my hubby to start making baby clothes and pregnancy paraphernalia for when i am 'with child.' he's got some great ideas for clothes and such. just gotta strap him to his sewing machine. all he really wants to do is make music, or something silly about 'a record deal' or whatever....

anyway, this coming week i'm getting started at my new job. gonna start training brains. pretty intense stuff but it's guaranteed to work. i have a feeling it does cuz after my 2 days of training i didn't have to use my cell phone calculator to add up my groceries. miracles!

hoping this job will free me up to pursue some things i'm interested in. like learning more about the autism epidemic and what i can do to help families who want to pursue healing. also helping families understand what their choices are with delaying vaccinations and administering them more conservatively.

this never gets old

2008-02-12T07:08:00.000-08:00

i witnessed a baby being born this morning. time of birth, 5:14 am.

jeremy & i were up already, debating whether we'd face the cold and snow & go to the gym. we rolled back over into our cozy bed when my cellphone rang. it was my boss letting me know our most 'ready' mom was at 9cm.

needless to say, i hurried to get dressed, bundled up and ran up to the Birth Center (a block away), sucking in freezing air, lungs burning, in hopes that i would not miss anything.

when i got there i dropped everything on the floor and ran up the 2 flights of stairs, heading towards the groaning. mom was in the hot tub, laying back & resting in between her contractions.

i was assigned camera duty which i like at some births because it gives me something to do.

mom was already in pushing stage and progressing pretty quickly. she was fully dialated now. carey suggested that she begin squatting to help the contractions push the head down more effectively. she did this about 4 more times over the next 12ish minutes and out peaked the head. she pushed 2 more good times and out came baby girl, into the water. mom did not tear at all. (first time mommy, by the way)

i asked carey, the midwife, how many births did you witness before they stopped making you cry? she had no answer.

birth the way the Lord intended is a magical event.

mom is a powerhouse, full of strength and beauty and just like life presents unavoidable struggle and pain and builds character, birth seems to be the ultimate example of this. my husband added quite wisely, birth also takes character.

some women think they have it and find that it's a test of perserverance and strength to draw on it. some think they do not have it, and find that they were given it, just when it counts most.

and when you push through, determined to get to the 'other side', whatever it takes, (there is NO going back) it seems like most women realize that this trial too 'shall pass'. coming out the other side a totally changed human being.

and with a new life, to boot.

tired of debt & can't sleep

2008-02-11T06:54:00.000-08:00

so it's official. i spend way too much time at my job. even my boss said so. because now i have had 2 dreams about 2 of our clients. the first was a very vivid eye into the birth story of one of our favorite clients. she ran from her car to the birth center in high heels (while in labor) and then kneeled at the door letting me know 'she was having her baby' while the nurse was napping on the couch.

the second was this same woman, now having had her child, the child looked exactly like another one of our client's children. so i told the woman, i know this may sound strange, but your daughter looks exactly like so&so. she agreed. oh yeah, and her 'baby' was a 7 year old.

sick.

speaking of work, does anyone have a good idea for a part-time gig for me? i'm thinking either something i can do in the home or a couple days a week out there (night preferable). of course i've thought of the old stand-by waitressing, but i would really rather not. i mean i WILL if i have to, but seriously, i might have to do drugs.

then that may defeat the purpose.

it's on! (or off, if we're speaking of condoms)

2008-01-29T09:45:00.000-08:00

so last month i was 3 days late. i thought for sure i was going to be experiencing morning sickness any day. then along came aunt flow. i don’t think i’ve ever been (and from the looks of it, neither has my husband) more disappointed to see her arrive. so it’s official. we are done protecting ourselves. i love that, ‘protecting’ ourselves…like pregnancy is a sickness.

my favorite (little) man

2008-01-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

erich douglas. he was the first of many little people added to the lage clan (after me, of course). and still to this day, i get excited to see him. this is my nephew. the first grandchild to my parents. his mommy is my middle sister. i have learned from her things that will be invaluable to me when i have children. first thing, stay consistant. love consistantly and discipline consistantly. she was determined to produce an upstanding man. one with boundaries and sensitivity and respect for other people. and he is quite possibly the most hilarious small person (not so small anymore) that i know. i know all kids say funny things. but he says smart things. and insightful things. and he can actually carry on an intelligent conversation, thanks to growing up around all adults (poor kid, his sick sense of humor is all our faults).

he will be seven in march. and when i think about that it freaks me out and makes me feel old. but then i remember that i am not, and everything is ok. but i'm lucky. i'm lucky to have met him when i was young and to have gotten to enjoy him all this time. literally, he has made our family what it is. just when it would have been tempting for all of us to go our own ways, we were sucked in by his forcefield of enchantment. i tried to move away to california and i was unsuccesful because when my mom would send me pictures of him i would cry the hard cry that is silent and painful. and then i knew. no amount of sunshine and rock-climbing was going to cure me of this sickness.

so i was ruined by this boy. and i am thankful for it. he helped me to know before it was too late what was most valuable. one of the things i love about him is that he laughs really hard at spongebob squarepants...he laughs at the smart jokes. he's also sensitive and emotional and makes extraordinarily interesting art. i miss his chubby little body and his sweet coo but i have thought about him growing up into a young man and it gives me goosebumps. he is a great boy and he will be a great man. that i am sure of. he literally lights up my life. i adore him.

the crazy & the beautiful

2008-01-21T10:17:00.000-08:00

2007-11-28T14:28:00.000-08:00

i have been quite an emotional wreck ever since i got married. it's a huge transition people. they were right. but i'm comforted by the lord's love and his reminding me that he really does love me more than i can feel or think. and that all those concerns that keep me up at night or keep me crying while looking at pottery barn on the toilet are just my oppurtunity to again talk to him. to tell him that i'm scared and i want control and that i don't trust him. but then it changes. and then i've got peace.

i will be looking for a new job here in a couple months. my boss has decided to close her practice and take a break from being a 24/7 on-call midwife. in the first days following her announcement to the 3 girls (me, beth and amy) i was literally out of my mind. not super emotional, although i did break-down crying one night when jeremy created a super-romantic welcome home dinner for me. but the thinking, the constant thinking! so then i heard a song by jill phillips, who i never really liked before that, and i was all better.

what i was thinking about all the time was:
who am i going to have deliver my baby
maybe i'll just have an unattending birth, it may be safer than the hospital
i can use a CPM and travel wherever i need to go
jeremy reassured me that carey is not the only great midwife in the world, the Lord would provide for us what we need
i don't want to work somewhere & care about something i know is just going to end, i wanted out
i had mixed emotions about how things were being handled
i realized I CARE TOO MUCH and let go of that
i started to feel old and think that i was eventually going to get too old to have babies anyway
what the hell am i going to do for work?
maybe i'll go back to school, i could be a midwife!
i don't want anymore debt
maybe i'll go back to school anyway, for nutrition
no. no. no. no more debt
so i started taking more pictures
got more pictures developed
THAT feels good
put them in a picture album & i'm getting ready to give them away
i think i was made to do this
i think i'll take a class at dmacc on photography cuz i'm techologically stupid

who the heck knows what's next. i'm definatly out of my mind, but what is new. what i do know now is that while all of my boss' clients are freakin, i am at peace because while she is truly great at what she does, i got the best part of her...all the secrets and tid-bits of knowledge and all the greatest referrals i could ask for. i consider myself fortunate for having gotten to gleen as much from her as i have. and that combined with what i've learned working for all the other brilliant minds that i have along the way, i am set to move forward into what is next for me.

i really think i'll do best in a place where i can get away with exposing tatoos and piercings. now that i'm almost 30 i'm so done with business casual i could scream. i need me a job where i can wear jeans and dye my hair red and basically not match if i want.

things with the j. man are going really well, by the way, don't let that first paragraph fool you. he's a great man and we become better friends ever day. except the day when he didn't deposit the check when i asked him to & i almost killed him.

2007-11-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

amelia drew fjellman

:witnessed by big sisters:

emma faith

nora grace

katherine blythe

(these are my nieces)

2007-11-07T08:28:00.000-08:00

http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

if you are at all interested in birth, had a birth that you felt man-handled in, or want to see how midwifery works, check this out. also, see where you can catch a 'sneak-preview' in your neighborhood or host one yourself.

2007-11-01T08:37:00.001-07:00

A single flu shot contains 25 micrograms of mercury, which is 100 times more than kids get in their cumulative vaccinations over several years. Adults who receive the flu vaccine five years in a row are 1000 percent more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease.

- H. Hugh Fudenberg, M.D., Vice President Director of Research, NeuroImmuno Therapeutics Research Foundation
http://www.westonaprice.org/children/vaccinations.html

bladder infection

2007-10-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

eye yay yay. ain't nothing like that pain. i used (finally after trying what seemed like EVERYTHING) a little wonder-sugar called d-mannose WITH CranActin. that sucker done took my pain & white blood cells AWAY!

here's the deal with D-Mannose: it's the active sugar in cranberry juice concentrate that keeps the bacteria from sticking to the bladder wall and urinary tract. AMAZING i say! it really works. BUT from what i've been told it works best when it is attached to the cranberry (vaccinium macrocarpon). they work synergistically together to make the D-Mannose more available to be absorbed and to be utilized. you'd have to consume massive amounts of cranberry concentrate to get enough of the benefitial D-Mannose sugar to make a difference. NO WONDER. so don't dink around with plain 'ol cranberry if you've got pain down there.